Everyone always harps on the "Be Yourself" bandwagon. It would be nice to think that were possible, but I can't be the only one on the planet who doesn't even know what that means...
I'm being heart attack serious and asking the question. What the fuck does 'Being Yourself' mean?
How many of us spend the time and energy necessary to get the core of who we are? There are pretty close to seven billion of us on this planet and if I what I see on the world and local news is any indication, most of us are just floating through, oblivious to what's going on.
We listen to our sports stars and our politicians and the fucking people on those 'Reality Shows' as if their words somehow actually matter in the framework of our lives. What happens in congress or down the street seems to have more relevance to what happens inside our own hearts.
The World in general and Americans in particular seem to love to distract ourselves with the mindless bullshit that makes up the 'real world' of TV and the news. I don't think I'm that far off with this because Advertisers wouldn't pay millions of dollars to get on these shows if they didn't think people were watching.
So, I don't watch that much TV. I try very hard not to pay attention to the bullshit that serves as 'information' for what's happening around me and despite that I'm in the same space as everyone else. I don't know who 'Myself' really is.
I know what I do - Father, Husband, Tech Guy, closet freak... But the things I do aren't who I am any more than the collection of cells that make up my body are 'me'.
I've had people try to teach me methods to get closer to my 'truth', but I must just be iron skulled or something, because a lot of what gets said are just words. To be perfectly honest, with each new teacher comes more and more confusion.
So if I'm this confused how is it possible to 'be myself'. I will admit that I feel a touch closer to the truth since I've started this blog and taken a hard look at the life I've built for myself. There are parts of my current existence that just don't fit anymore, so its up to me to make those changes. It takes a level of courage that I just don't possess right now.
What I want goes beyond the concept of 'being happy'. I don't want to just be happy. If that was the case I would start drinking heavy again and forget all of this bullshit. It would be easy to shut down and just go with the flow, I'm sure that would make me VERY happy. (Less stress, less internal examination, just shut down and flow like everyone else...)
What I want is to know who Damon is, where he fits in the world and what I really have to give back for the gift of my life. I also want to know what I must do in order to feel that my purpose is being worked towards.
I don't think that I will ever 'fulfill' my purpose. I believe purpose is always a work in progress not a destination. So long as I am giving back something for the things that I receive in a way that resonates with my heart and soul then I feel I am on the right path.
The problem is, those moments are few and far between.
Ask yourself this - If you knew you couldn't fail, how would your life be different. How would you talk, act, treat others around you?
Assume for an instant that you have the strength to follow through with the things you think are important (I know you can do it, most of us have daydreamed about winning the lottery and what we'd do with all that money, this is no different).
What would you be if you knew you couldn't fail?
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Half of who you really are
There are thousands of studies done every year concerning relationships and ways to improve them.
They range all over the spectrum from dealing with spousal abuse to co-dependency to getting over an affair. But I'm curious, has anyone ever done a study of how many people are engaged in long term relationships with someone that they only half know?
I'm not talking about the 'shadowy past' bullshit that you see in movies. I'm talking about the documented fact that many of us hide who we really are from our partners on a daily basis. How many people do YOU know that act in complete honesty about the things they want out of life and what's in their heart?
Since this blog is primarily an internal sexual exploration, I will keep this in the realm of sexual reality. You know the stories I'm talking about - a man comes out of the closet after 15 years of marriage and raising children. A woman leaves her husband for the new co-worker, and the husband later finds out that they've known each other for years. A couple splits up because one or both members finally admit that they aren't happy and haven't been happy for years. I'm not talking about short term relationship bullshit. I'm talking about real couples who've spent significant portions of time together who really don't know each other.
People wake up every day to the realization that they haven't explored even one tenth of what life has to offer. Even worse is when they have suppressed desire for years and are now too old or too sick to do anything with it. What must it feel like to look back at the last 10, 15 or 20 years and realize that you were too afraid to be honest about who you were, or you were duped by someone that you thought was telling you the truth about themselves?
You're supposed to be able to tell the other significant person in your life everything. I don't mean simpleminded shit that does neither of you any good. I'm referring to the deeply seated desires and needs that you have as a living, breathing human being. The things that haunt you like bad heartburn if you try to keep them bottled up inside. If you aren't then you are not doing them (or yourself) any favors. It's tantamount to lying because a lie of omission is still a blatant falsehood.
Is half a life with someone who 'loves' you somehow more honorable than a whole life (perhaps spent alone) being your truest self? Is that why people spend multiple dozens of years with someone while simultaneously holding back whatever kinky, sexual, or 'abnormal' desire that they may have, out of some sense of honor or duty?
It's one hell of a conundrum because at the end of the day you go into your pine box all alone. So just who are you being honorable to?
They range all over the spectrum from dealing with spousal abuse to co-dependency to getting over an affair. But I'm curious, has anyone ever done a study of how many people are engaged in long term relationships with someone that they only half know?
I'm not talking about the 'shadowy past' bullshit that you see in movies. I'm talking about the documented fact that many of us hide who we really are from our partners on a daily basis. How many people do YOU know that act in complete honesty about the things they want out of life and what's in their heart?
Since this blog is primarily an internal sexual exploration, I will keep this in the realm of sexual reality. You know the stories I'm talking about - a man comes out of the closet after 15 years of marriage and raising children. A woman leaves her husband for the new co-worker, and the husband later finds out that they've known each other for years. A couple splits up because one or both members finally admit that they aren't happy and haven't been happy for years. I'm not talking about short term relationship bullshit. I'm talking about real couples who've spent significant portions of time together who really don't know each other.
People wake up every day to the realization that they haven't explored even one tenth of what life has to offer. Even worse is when they have suppressed desire for years and are now too old or too sick to do anything with it. What must it feel like to look back at the last 10, 15 or 20 years and realize that you were too afraid to be honest about who you were, or you were duped by someone that you thought was telling you the truth about themselves?
You're supposed to be able to tell the other significant person in your life everything. I don't mean simpleminded shit that does neither of you any good. I'm referring to the deeply seated desires and needs that you have as a living, breathing human being. The things that haunt you like bad heartburn if you try to keep them bottled up inside. If you aren't then you are not doing them (or yourself) any favors. It's tantamount to lying because a lie of omission is still a blatant falsehood.
Is half a life with someone who 'loves' you somehow more honorable than a whole life (perhaps spent alone) being your truest self? Is that why people spend multiple dozens of years with someone while simultaneously holding back whatever kinky, sexual, or 'abnormal' desire that they may have, out of some sense of honor or duty?
It's one hell of a conundrum because at the end of the day you go into your pine box all alone. So just who are you being honorable to?
How does sex feel?
Have you ever stopped to really think about how good sex feels?
I don't mean 'slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am', gee that felt good - kind of thing.
I'm talking about - low down, sloppy, greasy hair, soaked sheets, wore out ass bodies wrapped around each other like a ball of horny snakes, sore dick, engorged coochie, 'I can't breathe!, fuck its hot in here, Jesus what if the neighbors heard - kind of sex that seems to only happen once in a great while.
Strange thought right? Well, maybe not.
How often do you have sex like that? Or is it more likely that the two (or more) of you simply spend a few minutes playing patty cake, cum and then roll over and go to sleep.
I wonder sometimes if the slap dash approach to sex (mostly seen in porn)is more about ensuring that only one member of the bed party has a good time. Granted, sex isn't always going to leave smoking holes in the drywall, but I'm pretty sure that its not supposed to be 'by the book' either.
Sex is supposed to feel good. It's supposed to make the butterfly's beat the inside of your guts to jelly. It's supposed to sometimes scare you half to death as you try to figure out just what to do with this incredible collection of body parts and spirit that's climbed into your space. Sex feels like a lot of things.
But is it supposed to feel routine? Is sex ever supposed to reach the point where its a planned, dry experience that you find yourself falling into out of habit?
How does sex feel? Hell, I can't really answer that one since its different for all of us, but I'm pretty sure its never supposed to be, well, boring.
For me sex is about skin on skin. It's about making each other sweat while forging a connection that goes beyond the dick and pussy. Seriously, even if its a one time thing with a person you don't really intend to ever see again, it should be more about your mind. Making it just about the dick, or just about the pussy is like watching porn, after a while it becomes *yawn* - I've seen this one, guess I'll do the taxes...
Engage your mind - the largest sex organ, and you'll find that you're more clever in bed. You'll think of things that feel good instead of just pounding meat. I mean, really, if that's all there was too it, the both of you would probably be better off masturbating.
I don't mean 'slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am', gee that felt good - kind of thing.
I'm talking about - low down, sloppy, greasy hair, soaked sheets, wore out ass bodies wrapped around each other like a ball of horny snakes, sore dick, engorged coochie, 'I can't breathe!, fuck its hot in here, Jesus what if the neighbors heard - kind of sex that seems to only happen once in a great while.
Strange thought right? Well, maybe not.
How often do you have sex like that? Or is it more likely that the two (or more) of you simply spend a few minutes playing patty cake, cum and then roll over and go to sleep.
I wonder sometimes if the slap dash approach to sex (mostly seen in porn)is more about ensuring that only one member of the bed party has a good time. Granted, sex isn't always going to leave smoking holes in the drywall, but I'm pretty sure that its not supposed to be 'by the book' either.
Sex is supposed to feel good. It's supposed to make the butterfly's beat the inside of your guts to jelly. It's supposed to sometimes scare you half to death as you try to figure out just what to do with this incredible collection of body parts and spirit that's climbed into your space. Sex feels like a lot of things.
But is it supposed to feel routine? Is sex ever supposed to reach the point where its a planned, dry experience that you find yourself falling into out of habit?
How does sex feel? Hell, I can't really answer that one since its different for all of us, but I'm pretty sure its never supposed to be, well, boring.
For me sex is about skin on skin. It's about making each other sweat while forging a connection that goes beyond the dick and pussy. Seriously, even if its a one time thing with a person you don't really intend to ever see again, it should be more about your mind. Making it just about the dick, or just about the pussy is like watching porn, after a while it becomes *yawn* - I've seen this one, guess I'll do the taxes...
Engage your mind - the largest sex organ, and you'll find that you're more clever in bed. You'll think of things that feel good instead of just pounding meat. I mean, really, if that's all there was too it, the both of you would probably be better off masturbating.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)