Be yourself?

Everyone always harps on the "Be Yourself" bandwagon. It would be nice to think that were possible, but I can't be the only one on the planet who doesn't even know what that means...

I'm being heart attack serious and asking the question. What the fuck does 'Being Yourself' mean?

How many of us spend the time and energy necessary to get the core of who we are? There are pretty close to seven billion of us on this planet and if I what I see on the world and local news is any indication, most of us are just floating through, oblivious to what's going on.

We listen to our sports stars and our politicians and the fucking people on those 'Reality Shows' as if their words somehow actually matter in the framework of our lives. What happens in congress or down the street seems to have more relevance to what happens inside our own hearts.

The World in general and Americans in particular seem to love to distract ourselves with the mindless bullshit that makes up the 'real world' of TV and the news. I don't think I'm that far off with this because Advertisers wouldn't pay millions of dollars to get on these shows if they didn't think people were watching.

So, I don't watch that much TV. I try very hard not to pay attention to the bullshit that serves as 'information' for what's happening around me and despite that I'm in the same space as everyone else. I don't know who 'Myself' really is.

I know what I do - Father, Husband, Tech Guy, closet freak... But the things I do aren't who I am any more than the collection of cells that make up my body are 'me'.

I've had people try to teach me methods to get closer to my 'truth', but I must just be iron skulled or something, because a lot of what gets said are just words. To be perfectly honest, with each new teacher comes more and more confusion.

So if I'm this confused how is it possible to 'be myself'. I will admit that I feel a touch closer to the truth since I've started this blog and taken a hard look at the life I've built for myself. There are parts of my current existence that just don't fit anymore, so its up to me to make those changes. It takes a level of courage that I just don't possess right now.

What I want goes beyond the concept of 'being happy'. I don't want to just be happy. If that was the case I would start drinking heavy again and forget all of this bullshit. It would be easy to shut down and just go with the flow, I'm sure that would make me VERY happy. (Less stress, less internal examination, just shut down and flow like everyone else...)

What I want is to know who Damon is, where he fits in the world and what I really have to give back for the gift of my life. I also want to know what I must do in order to feel that my purpose is being worked towards.

I don't think that I will ever 'fulfill' my purpose. I believe purpose is always a work in progress not a destination. So long as I am giving back something for the things that I receive in a way that resonates with my heart and soul then I feel I am on the right path.

The problem is, those moments are few and far between.

Ask yourself this - If you knew you couldn't fail, how would your life be different. How would you talk, act, treat others around you?

Assume for an instant that you have the strength to follow through with the things you think are important (I know you can do it, most of us have daydreamed about winning the lottery and what we'd do with all that money, this is no different).

What would you be if you knew you couldn't fail?