Is Getting Head All In My Head???

I can't make up my mind about something.

I like getting head. It feels awesome and in some ways is much more intimate than 'ordinary' sex. But in all the years I've had both men and women work on me, I've never been able to cum just from getting sucked.

The range of people trying has included girlfriends, wives, professionals from when I was in Germany and Spain and not a few gay men (who are excellent dick suckers, let me tell you). The methods may have all been a touch different but they all felt phenomenal. I've never had a bad blowjob.

The sensation is pretty strong on the head and along the dorsal side of my cock, but I just don't seem to be able to reach the point of finishing unless I use my hands or have actual intercourse.

Now I know porn isn't really a good measure of actual sex. What happens on those sets is nothing short of bullshit on film. It's not realistic and I don't honestly think most of the women are having that good of a time. A lot of them look either bored, in pain, or appear to be doing their taxes in their heads.

But without fail, they slap their lips on some guys king sized dong and within seconds he's shooting 2.3 gallons of jizz everywhere. The writer in me calls bullshit every time I see a woman lick a man two or three times and he blasts off. Unless the guy is suffering from a medical condition, its unlikely that he would cum that fast.

The problem is, porn gives the wrong idea about what's possible. It actually gives the wrong idea about what human beings are physically capable of. Some of those positions would hurt anyone who wasn't a fucking contortionist.

I think that's why I like the 'home made' looking stuff. At least those people are more real. They are short and tall, skinny and fat, some of them are ugly as sin. You know, average people you actually see on the street. And the guys don't cum 14 seconds after she locks her lips on him.

But still, I wonder if maybe there's something I need to talk to a doctor about. I realize that I won't cum right away, but you'd think that eventually I could.

The part that makes me wonder about why I can't cum concerns my search for the full body orgasm. If I am having trouble with what is essentially a direct assault on a nerve cluster what chance do I have to get parts of my body tingling that aren't normally involved in sex at all?

Is it mental? Is it physical? Hell, how would I even go about finding out. I'm not about to ask my regular doctor...

The possibilites are endless when thinking adults are at work

A Polyglot - Expectations Great article. My article below started out talking about the one listed here, but I got off onto another rant. Gotta watch that.

Wow, whoda thunk it? Adults thinking and acting like adults instead of children. (people getting to be who they are and - horror - being accepted for it...) I know so many people who think that the poly model is impossible. What it drives to wonder is - are they making these objections from a logical, thought induced space or just being driven by emotion?

I keep coming back to the question of - why is this such a bad thing? - because I don't understand the negative vehemence coming from the one or two people (close people that I trust enough to talk to about this)who know that I'm trying to figure out what fits in my life.

I get the answer - It's not what I need, its just mid life crisis. Or - It doesn't fit who I really am because I am married to a monogamous woman and raising children with her. Or - If I just concentrate on dealing with my own internal bullshit then I won't even need poly, swinging or any other mode of relationship energy. 

If I am understanding The Mentor properly, once I learn how to love myself I won't need or want anyone else to be part of my life because no matter what I'll always have myself. I also think that its designed to make me understand that I have reached the pinnacle of relationships by being in a stable monogamous relationship for the last 20 years and nothing else that I ever do is going to be better or more fulfilling than what I have now.

Hmmm, I wonder if this is why all I've done is look at this from the outside and held back on getting my feet wet? I mean really, its like looking at a swimming pool, all cool and inviting on a hot day, but holding myself back from getting in because there are little voices telling me that I don't really need to get in the pool for my life to feel complete.

Lots to think about.

The Great Purple Wand - How I got my first anal orgasm

My favorite toy (who am I kidding, my only toy...) is a purple wand like this one:

The device has a vibrator built into the base and when it’s turned on full blast the tip will make your fingers numb. That's how strong it is. It's about 6 inches long and I'm not sure but I think it flares out to about 1.5 inches around at the base. I'm no superhero so I'm not about to try to take some 8 inch long, 20 inch wide thing in my ass.

I've had fingers and tongues in me before and they always feel wonderful, but this little toy did something to me that had never happened before.

First, a little back story.

I have very vivid memories of my first nocturnal emission. I was 12, living with my father at the time. The dream consisted of me playing with a BBW friend of mine from school. I don't remember her name, but I remember that she was Puerto Rican, thick as all get out and she liked to show off her body.

In the dream we were kissing and playing with each other and she was rubbing me through my jeans. I remember getting her clothes off and then she took off mine. The instant my cock touched her I came.

And in real life I turned into a man.

I woke up instantly feeling like I had peed on myself and being a little embarrassed. But I also felt incredibly alive and energetic. There was a flow of energy in my body that had it vibrating like nothing I'd ever felt. The best way I can describe it is like being suspended in a deep bath of warm water that completely touches all points of my skin at the same time. Nothing was cold. Nothing felt left out or neglected and it was everywhere - all at once.

The closest I have come to reliving that experience was with the wand. The moment I touched my prostate with that thing buzzing madly below me I knew something was different.

I felt the glow spread from my ass through my lower back and into my belly. From there it went everywhere. My toes were tingling. My scalp felt as if I had electricity flowing through it. I couldn't open my eyes and I may have even drooled a bit.

Somehow I got the wand all the way inside of me. There had been some resistance at first, but when that switch turned on it was like my body was made of water. All resistance melted.

I masturbated slowly, for once not in any kind of hurry to finish. Every stroke from the head down to the base must be what a guitar feels like when it is played by a savant. I felt my entire body thrumming as if it were trying to match the vibrations deep in my core.

Losing track of time is easy when you feel like that. I have no way to knowing how long it was.  Could have been minutes or hours but I really didn't care. I just wanted the sensation to continue.

Normally when I masturbate I can tell when I'm about to cum. It builds up in the base and when it happens the head feels like its going to pop off and then the energy rushes out of me.

This time, with the wand, I had no warning.

Well, maybe I did, but I didn't recognize it for what it was. I just started feeling more and more warm all over. I almost never move when I masturbate normally. It's all in my hand and my cock. But I could feel this in my back, my legs, my chest, shit I could feel it everywhere. The thrumming got more and more intense and then instead of my cock head, I started cumming from my prostate.

Maybe that's not right. It wasn't my prostate, that's just where the sensation was strongest. I felt the wand start to jump in my left and at the same time that my cock began to move in my right.

I opened my eyes in time to see a jet of cum fly completely over me landing on the wall behind. I didn't feel the first blast, I just saw it. And then the earthquake hit for real.

My entire body spasm-ed. Yeah, I was cumming and making a mess, but that wasn't important. My brain felt like it was on fire. My groin was jumping so strongly that I simply rolled onto my side and let the feeling wash over me. Wave after wave washed over me. A strong unearthly caress that had to beginning and no end. I've never experience anything like it. It almost felt like I was cumming all the way from my toes.

The wand kept on doing its thing. The vibrations never stopped and for a while I thought I might not stop cumming. Hell, I didn't really care so long as the waves kept coming.

It took a LONG time for the sensation the fade and I had to muster enough energy to pull the wand out of me before it stopped entirely.

Warm bath, totally submerged with no parts feeling cold or neglected. That's what it felt like and I have been in search of that feeling ever since.

Now where is that little purple wand...hmmm