There are thousands of studies done every year concerning relationships and ways to improve them.
They range all over the spectrum from dealing with spousal abuse to co-dependency to getting over an affair. But I'm curious, has anyone ever done a study of how many people are engaged in long term relationships with someone that they only half know?
I'm not talking about the 'shadowy past' bullshit that you see in movies. I'm talking about the documented fact that many of us hide who we really are from our partners on a daily basis. How many people do YOU know that act in complete honesty about the things they want out of life and what's in their heart?
Since this blog is primarily an internal sexual exploration, I will keep this in the realm of sexual reality. You know the stories I'm talking about - a man comes out of the closet after 15 years of marriage and raising children. A woman leaves her husband for the new co-worker, and the husband later finds out that they've known each other for years. A couple splits up because one or both members finally admit that they aren't happy and haven't been happy for years. I'm not talking about short term relationship bullshit. I'm talking about real couples who've spent significant portions of time together who really don't know each other.
People wake up every day to the realization that they haven't explored even one tenth of what life has to offer. Even worse is when they have suppressed desire for years and are now too old or too sick to do anything with it. What must it feel like to look back at the last 10, 15 or 20 years and realize that you were too afraid to be honest about who you were, or you were duped by someone that you thought was telling you the truth about themselves?
You're supposed to be able to tell the other significant person in your life everything. I don't mean simpleminded shit that does neither of you any good. I'm referring to the deeply seated desires and needs that you have as a living, breathing human being. The things that haunt you like bad heartburn if you try to keep them bottled up inside. If you aren't then you are not doing them (or yourself) any favors. It's tantamount to lying because a lie of omission is still a blatant falsehood.
Is half a life with someone who 'loves' you somehow more honorable than a whole life (perhaps spent alone) being your truest self? Is that why people spend multiple dozens of years with someone while simultaneously holding back whatever kinky, sexual, or 'abnormal' desire that they may have, out of some sense of honor or duty?
It's one hell of a conundrum because at the end of the day you go into your pine box all alone. So just who are you being honorable to?
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