Is Polyamory REALLY impossible?

My former Mentor believes that my desire to expand my family is ill intentioned and doomed to failure.

My wife believes that my search is purely about sexual expansion and does not believe that three people can possibly be stronger or more stable than two.

Their arguments are sort of similar although The Mentor is more inclined towards the belief that adding a third person will lead to that person trying to supplant either myself or my wife.  His contention is that no triadic system can work because of the natural human inclination towards competition and needing to be 'first' in the hearts and minds of the person they give their body and mind too.  He says that if Triadic systems worked, there would be more of them in society.

My wife's position is more elemental – she has no intention of sharing. 

She feels that she should be 'enough' for me and that there is no earthly reason for us to add anyone to make the relationship stronger.  When I explained to her what I was trying to learn and what Polyamory was, her exact words were - “You don't really believe that bullshit, do you?”

I know how much effort it takes for two people to struggle through life together.  The work load is staggering and according to statistics better than 48% of first marriages don't last more than 4 or 5 years. 

Two loving adults working as hard as they can won't guarantee that the relationship will last or even be healthy.  And that's two adults who are trying to work together.  So how screwed up is it when one or both partners are selfish, immature, or just don't care?

The Mentor's words didn't make me doubt my heart, but they did cause me to wonder if three people of like mind are somehow less capable of  working through problems than two.  Is it possible that three adults who know their hearts well enough to share their love and homes can't work out issues of jealousy and household responsibilities and child rearing?  Isn't that what any long term relationship consists of, or am I completely naive?

My wifes words didn't make me doubt my heart either, but they did make me pause to reflect on how incredibly different two people can be, even after living together for 20 years. In her worldview there is no need to expand or grow her experience beyond the commonplace.  A dalliance or two across the years is more than enough for her.

Yes a triad is tough, but I challenge you to show me a two person relationship that isn't.  Two flawed humans, who are mirrors of each other, face issues on every level from the mundane to the terrifying.  Cheating, abuse, lying, unequal love, trying to change each other and simple burn out are just 'routine' day to day problems.

In back of Poly is the same drive that created society.  We are safer and stronger as a group than as individuals.  I don't know where the idea of two people constituting the only functional format for a relationship came from, but I suspect that its one of those control tactics instituted by religion. 

If two people can find creative ways to overcome their internal bullshit and programming, is it impossible for three or four people to do the same?  Are people really THAT limited in their ability to encompass change?

Personally I don't think that Humans are as limited as the people that surround me believe.  But I have to take their words into account.  There has to be a reason that this isn't more prevalent in society, and its my goal to find out why.