Admissions of a kinkster in training

A few things to admit to so that I can get past all of the lies and bullshit that I tell myself:

1. I love sex.
 

2. Specifically, I love anal sex.
 

3. Like most kinky people I need way more sex than I am getting.
 

4. I desire sex that has more meaning than simply addressing my cock and orgasm.
 

5. I have interest in kinks that I haven't begun to comprehend.
 

6. Vanilla sex has got to be the most boring thing on the planet. Whoever said there's no such thing as boring sex was WAY wrong.
 

7. I have an ingrained (taught by women) impression that most women do not like sex and this comes from the women I know - family, friends and associates. I don't make this shit up. It's one reason I am surprised when I meet a woman who likes sex and isn't afraid to talk about it.
 

8. I have been married to two women. In my experience (over 25 years) neither of them was initially willing to explore their internal landscape. Day to day, hour to hour, minute by minute was fine with them. The past doesn't exist and that's that. I don't think all women are like this, just the ones I marry... (there's an addendum for this one, but I''ll write about it later.)
 

9. I like shorter, thick women. There's just something about a compact female that spins my wheels at warp speed.
 

10. I am not the most romantic man on the planet. I am wired to do practical things and that's how I show my love and affection. With practical help, advice and actions. Don't expect a lot of small gifts from me because I don't think that way.
 

11. To a degree I am bi-sexual. I have had sex with men and I know I will again. I DO NOT, however, suck dick, get fucked in the ass or swallow cum. (Yeah I know its selfish, but these are true admissions, remember?)
 

12. I like porn, but I've reached the point where a lot of it is boring to watch and it takes something out of the ordinary to get my attention.
 

13. I masturbate at least once per day usually to fantasies of anal or oral sex with a certain friend of mine. I almost never fantasize about my wife, is that weird?
 

14. I don't care for phone sex or virtual sex, if I can't feel it and the other person can't feel it, what's the point?
 

15. I am very angry that I chose to wait this long to get serious about cleaning out the bullshit in my head.

16. I am sometimes very confused and feel like such a freak for all of the stuff I said above because its so much different than what the people I know show me or seem to feel.

I think that covers most of it. I'm sure there's more since I am still digging around inside there to clear out the crap. 46 years is enough time to build up a good layer of shit.

There are times that I wonder if the work is worth it, but I've been told that getting out of the box is only slightly less important than breathing.